Gratitude Begins with Noticing
Once upon a time, when I was a very religious person, I used to end each day by kneeling down and praying, following one simple rule that I had created for myself: don’t ask for anything, just say thanks. I don’t kneel down and say formal prayers like I used to, but more often than not, a prayer of gratitude still lives in my body. This whole-body gratitude is rooted in a simple choice, made over and over again—the choice to notice. We have evolved and been socialized to notice problems and threats, but when we make the conscious choice to expand our noticing—to notice and savor the pleasures, gifts, comforts, and opportunities that we often take for granted—gratitude follows.
I felt grateful for my life prior to developing long Covid, but I realize now how many gifts I overlooked or undervalued. Now, I feel in my bones what a gift it is to be able to walk to my mailbox. Now, every cell in my body sings a hallelujah when I’m gifted a night of deep sleep. More often than not these days, I can take care of my three kids without buckling from exhaustion, dizziness, or tachycardia, and that makes me feel like the luckiest mother alive.
Last week, I read a lovely prayer by Nadia Bolz-Weber. She reflects on the things that she failed to appreciate prior to the losses of 2020, then concludes with this plea: “Help me savor now what I will miss when it’s gone.”
The darkest days of Covid have taught me to savor each small gift of light—each person with whom I cross paths, each lesson that life offers, each moment of sunshine, and each sip of coffee. The dark days are my memento mori—a reminder of my own mortality, a reminder of the preciousness of each moment.
In our consumer-driven world, savoring is a radical act. It is the choice to pause and appreciate what we have rather than impatiently demanding more. It is the choice to notice not only what is wrong but also what is right. What’s more, savoring is an incredibly practical act. If I have one thousand gifts in my life but I only pause to notice and appreciate 1/10 of them, then I have curtailed my own happiness. Contrast this with someone who has a mere 200 gifts but is keenly aware of each one. Who lives the richer life? Who is more likely to give freely and joyfully to those around them?
The past few weeks have been hard for me, and I still feel grateful. I think that ‘and’ is important. Gratitude isn’t a ‘but’ that comes along to negate our pain. Gratitude isn’t a renovation project that turns your creepy attic into an airy loft. Rather, it’s a light shining into overlooked spaces. With the light on, we can see that yes, there are cobwebs and dark corners and yes, you are probably a hoarder, and also—my God, look at all of these treasures!
How do you cultivate noticing, savoring, and gratitude? What are you grateful for right now?
Want to hear more about gratitude? Listen to this recent episode of TED Radio Hour, entitled The Gratitude Chain.
Want to connect? I’ll be hosting an hour-long Corona Café Zoom call on Saturday, March 6 at 1:00 PM EST. Reply to this email to let me know you’re interested in joining, and I’ll send you the Zoom link!
Want to say thanks? You can like or share this email, post a comment, or even buy me a coffee below. Also, thank you so much for last week’s coffee! I can’t find a way to reply to your comments on the buymeacoffee website, but each comment and donation made me grin like a complete goofball.