Recently, someone I love did something that hurt me. It made me miss the sort of busyness that allows you to forget hurt feelings. It made me miss the energy levels that made such busyness possible. It also made me notice how much I’ve grown. I know how to sit still with my pain and befriend it in a way I couldn’t have imagined a few years ago.
Befriending our pain is almost always a better strategy than running from it. After all, the feeling is inside us. When we run, it tags along. It churns our insides and sloshes out in unexpected ways. Maybe we snap at our kids, triple our ice cream consumption, spend more money than we meant to, stare zombie-like at our phones, or pick arguments in which nobody wins.
When we befriend our pain, it doesn’t have to swell, slosh, and spill. Instead, it can settle. I like this new strength of mine: the strength to sit rather than running. The strength to face feelings, to recognize that they are fleeting, and to gently acknowledge them until they subside.
It’s probably reckless of me to write all this. Like saying, “Hey, Universe! I think I’ve finally got this covered! Feel free to pile on some extra shit!”
Please, Universe. Just. Don’t. But if you do, it will be okay. It’s okay for my road to have problems and potholes. All of our roads do.
We are doing and will continue to do what all humans must do: confront one pothole, and then another, pausing often to laugh and shake our heads. We’ll pause, too, to change tires—ours or someone else’s. We’ll swap navigation tips, energy drinks, audiobooks, and music playlists with the people we love. We’ll grumble, and we’ll swear, but we’ll also celebrate the beauty of the road—of each new vista, of new friendships, deepened relationships, intriguing junctions, rich insights, quirky billboards, and new experiences. If we let it, the beauty of this road will take our breath away. There is no toll booth, demanding perfect health. We’re already on the road. It isn’t just the long-haul journey; it’s the human journey.
I’ve thought about this over and over: that long-hauling is a metaphor for all of life. I’m not a church-goer, but I have friends who attend the local Unitarian Universalist Church, and their pastor invited me to give a guest sermon about my long-haul experiences. It’s called “Good Grief: Reflections from a Covid-19 Long-Hauler.” Check it out, and let me know what you think! Also, don’t judge me too harshly for the part where I’m talking about people dying of Covid and my face contorts into a suppressed smile. My neighbor’s dog suddenly appeared by my front porch, and my mind raced to the worst-case (and most-hilarious-case) scenarios of what might transpire in my video sermon if he discovered the dead possum that had materialized in my yard that morning (and that I had not yet summoned the get-up-and-go to address because sitting is my new favorite sport).
Dead possums are just one more feature of the delightful, disgusting, unpredictable, mundane, brutal, beautiful, breathtaking road we call life.
Tell me about your journey right now. What are the biggest potholes for you at the moment? And what interesting detours, beautiful vistas, or unexpected gifts have you discovered lately?
It’s unreal that such tough times can fill our hearts with love and compassion. I’ve often marvelled at how people facing such adversity seem the most courageous, articulate and dignified. I kind of get it now - when EVERYTHING is taken from you, these are the human traits that remain until your very last breath. If you continue to survive then this is the gift that you carry for the rest of your days.
Thank you for your
sermon 🙏.
I have feelt so scared and alone!
But at The same time i have seen People i did not expect beeing there for me.
Food shopping, walking my dog, talking to me in The garden.
Every sunday we used to do a question walk in The forest.
I said i could not jonin for The first 7 weeks, now 7 month later i cant still join in 😥.
But one friend would pay for me and send me photos off The questions so That i could jonin from my bed.
When i had serios anxaiety attaks 2 People would sit with me in my home with The risk to get The virus.
My children has been and still are living with their dad. It is heart breaking to not have them with me but They have been very understanding and loving.Im impressed how we get along with difficultis if we do not fight it but goes with it.
I have watched The world from my Windows, days That would never seem to end! But i have seen beauti and growing power and seasons chaning. Sun sets, trees, Flowers, Rain, wind, moon, forest.
Im glad i found you Lisa your words are so up lifting and kind.
To live with pain and to much time and doctors That do not know what to do or what to believe in this crazy journy is horrifaing!
I love The yoga practis!
I used to be a hevy weigt gym girl.
For a wile i could not lift my Milk carton.
I missed doing fysikal things.
Your calming yoga practis has been so Good! Thank you.
I hope and pray That we all Will recover bit by bit. /Regards Rosita.
My english is also a bit horrifaing 😂 sorry.