This This This

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The ups and downs of long Covid have changed my relationship with productivity—forever, I hope. The siren songs of go go go and more more more still sing in my ear and lure me from my path but usually only by a step or two. Almost always, it’s the natural world that calls me back. It’s the song of rain or wind or the warmth of sun on my face. It’s a meteor’s light racing across the blackened sky. It’s any moment that’s so round and full that I forget to wish for something else. If we keep our senses and our hearts wide open, I suspect almost any moment could be like this.    

This past week, I spent most of my moments in the woods of southern Ontario, completing the final portion of my certification as a Nature and Forest Therapy Guide. On my first day there, a silence settled over me that was so complete that I occasionally tried to chase it away with the thought that maybe I should be accomplishing something, like drafting a poem in my mind or striding boldly toward some new epiphany. I still get tripped up on the notion that I should be inwardly productive, if not outwardly so. But the stillness around me and the stillness inside me felt so round and full that even these thoughts were mere ripples on the surface. I sat on the exposed roots of White Pine at the edge of the Mattawa River—Algonquin for “meeting of waters”—and let silence carry me. We always end up downstream, whether we choose to float or thrash. This time, I chose floating.

It's a pretty wordless way of being—flowing with the current. But if I had to put words to that moment, they would be a simple song of this this this. Because everything felt present in that moment. Maybe everything is present in every moment.

At the end of my time in Ontario, my fellow guides and I were each given a strip of birch bark and a pencil and invited to write down something we would like to release or something we would like to offer to the universe. I tried to think of something to release. I tried to think of something to long for. But all I could think was this this this. So that’s what I wrote. We rolled up our birch strips and secured them to pinecones, then fed them to the fire, which fed them to the air, and I’d like to think that White Pine and Balsam Fir are now sipping in breaths of this.    

Meanwhile, I’ve returned to my everyday life. Reacclimating has been a challenge. When you spend so many days talking only with trees and fellow tree huggers (I mean that literally; we absolutely hug trees), then normal social interactions just don’t feel normal. My first stop on the drive home was at a Tim Horton’s, a Canadian fast food chain now owned by Burger King. As I pulled into the lot, an older man dressed in a Tim Horton’s uniform stepped out onto the pavement. I stopped my car to let him cross, and his presence struck me in the same way that a moose or a deer crossing in front of you might. I sat awestruck by the beauty of this uniformed mammal. How do we just walk past each other, without gasping in wonder at the miracle of our shared existence? Ordering French fries while pretending to be normal proved difficult.

My brain is a bit louder and busier again, filled with traffic and to do lists and all the other things that squeeze and press their way into the day-to-day. Some part of me can still smell Balsam Fir, though. Can still hear the meeting of waters. Can still feel the stillness around me and within me. Some part of me is still whispering—is always whispering—this this this.

There are two big things that I’ve been wanting to share with you, and I’ve decided that this this this must be the moment! So here they are . . .

Free Life Coaching

I am most of the way through my nine-month Wayfinder Life Coach Training with Martha Beck, and I would love to find two or three new clients to practice with. If you’re interested in free coaching sessions, please reach out by replying to this email. I have room in my schedule for two new clients next week, so if you are free either on Monday 8/21 or Tuesday 8/22 between 12:00-2:00 EDT, then I would especially love to hear from you.

How to Read My First Novel, All Is Well

I am ready to share my novel, All Is Well, with anyone who is interested! Here’s the plan: I’m going to release it in serialized form here on Substack. I’ll send out two emails per week, each containing a short section from the book that can be read in about 10-15 minutes. This likely means that you’ll read the book much slower than you would if you were handed the whole thing at once. I like this for a few reasons. First, if you struggle to find time to read a whole novel, then having it broken down into bite-size pieces will likely make that feel more doable. Second, this pacing naturally builds a little suspense. When we have to wait around for the next episode of a TV show we love, the characters continue to live inside of us. I think we end up knowing them better and connecting with them more deeply because of the stretches of time in which we interact with them through our memory and imagination. Finally, my hope is to nurture a community around the experience of reading this book together. I want to hear your feedback! I want to know what questions you’re asking yourself as you read and what you think will happen next and which character is just like your seventh-grade math teacher. That sort of dialogue takes time, and so I’ve built time into this process. At a pace of 10-15 minutes of reading two days per week, you should make it to the final “episode” of the book in about 4-5 months time. I’m open to adjusting the pace in response to the needs and wishes of the community, though!

I’ll send the first episode to the full pool of Incurably Human subscribers this coming Sunday. If you would like to keep reading beyond that, then you’ll need to upgrade to a paid subscription for $5 per month. I’ll include a link to upgrade within that email. If you do upgrade, I highly recommend downloading the Substack app and reading future episodes there. I think you’ll find the experience much more user friendly, especially if you get behind and need to toggle between episodes. If paying $5/month will break your piggy bank, then let me know by replying to my email, and I’ll be happy to gift you a subscription.

Whew! This has been a long one today. If you’re still with me, thank you! When you hear from me on Sunday, I’ll provide a little novel synopsis (like what you might find on a book jacket), followed by the first episode of All Is Well. I’m so excited to share it with you! Please reach out by replying to this email if you have questions or if you’re interested in free coaching sessions!