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Chuck's avatar

hey god,

its chuck again, and, sorry,

i know i must sound like a broken record, but each new headline seems to pull me to you with the same prayer ponder:

can't you do something about all these stupid mean bullshitty things that keep happening down here, the ugly hatred and horrible violence that we keep throwing at each other and how come if we talk your word at all, we skew it all inside out to justify the bullshit mean things we do and say to everybody else that doesn't think exactly like us white privaleged selfish people & all the time i am yelling at you, all I see is you just sitting there with your thumb up your butt saying prolifically hazy stuff like "love all gods children" to me.

Maybe you don't think it's your job, but even my good and noble peace loving dad got the belt out every once and a while.

WTF.

I feel so useless.

AMEN.

ps I love you, say hi to dad for me.

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Lisa Jensen's avatar

Chuck, I feel the pain of this prayer so deeply, and I enjoyed my belly laugh over the image of God with his thumb up his butt so thoroughly. I needed that laugh, and I needed the poignancy of your prayer. Thank you.

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Chuck's avatar

thank you for DOING.

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Rebecca C.'s avatar

Thank you, Lisa, for screaming and laughing.

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Michelle Milne's avatar

I am right there with you, Lisa. How to navigate care for self, care for others, and care for all that is in the world (ahem, notice I somehow think it’s possible to include “all” that’s in the world)? Thank you for your thoughtful thoughts, and for sharing them.

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Lisa Jensen's avatar

I'm with you on that, Michelle! There's a part of me that thinks if I just open my heart wide enough, maybe I can hold absolutely everything all the time . . . and then there's the inevitable collapse to bring me back to reality.

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Lesa Schultz's avatar

This is so beautiful. I struggle with this as well, striking a balance while my canvas often shifts in size. Remembering to give myself grace as my ability shifts has been challenging at times. Thank you for sharing this. 💗

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Lisa Jensen's avatar

Thank you, Lesa! It would be so helpful if our canvases would just give us a schedule outlining their size shifts in advance, wouldn't it?

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Lesa Schultz's avatar

Yes!! That would be amazing!

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A. Wilder Westgate's avatar

It means so much to be reading so many essays here lately that are saying some of these same things, and making me feel less alone. Thank you for sharing, Lisa.

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Lisa Jensen's avatar

Thank you, A! If there are any essays you particularly recommend, I’d love to read them. Do you mind sharing links?

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A. Wilder Westgate's avatar

I sent a dm with a couple links I found. I'm not sure I saved all of them, but I'm happy to continue to send any as I find them, if you'd like!

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A. Wilder Westgate's avatar

I think you may have read at least a couple - there was one by Keith and one by Larry that I also just read today. I can see about compiling any others I can find tomorrow! (I'll make a note to remind myself, but if I don't get back to you within a few days, please feel free to remind me!)

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Anne-Lise's avatar

Such an inspiring text Lisa, thank you so much. This is really an helpful way to see it like a canvas, I will think about it and use this image to help me going through, I think.

What helps me: I found a circle about Women who run with wolves and another about the 13 Original Mothers and it gelps me 1) to share with others in a circle about our struggles and hopes 2) to read how people along the centuries did find hope and wisdom.

)

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Lisa Jensen's avatar

Thank you, Anne-Lise! I’m so curious about what it means to run with wolves and about the 13 original mothers. I’m going to start googling, but if you have any suggested resources I should look at, let me know. Being in a circle of people all sharing their struggles is about as magical as it gets. Thank you for sharing your experiences and the link to the song!

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Anne-Lise's avatar

And the "13 original clan mothers" is abook fromJamie Sams, on amerindian wisdom - inFrance we have many women circles starting each year reading it and sharing, and again it is really powerful to actualise it in our lives. There are 13 tales of women Archetypes.

I have many ressources in french but the original book was written in English

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Anne-Lise's avatar

The Women eho run with wolves is an amazing/ beautiful/ empowerful book from Dr Clarissa Pinkola Estes. It is a book about the feminine psyche and Dra Clarissa bases her chapers on tales shared throughout the ages. It's a incredible book. There are many circles reading/sharing about it because it is not an easy book (I think it was her doctorate) and speaking about it, one chapter a time help to put it in our "actual lifes and struggles" I entered a portuguese- language circle but I thin there are other ones in English. Dr Clarissa has also a great Facebook page, her 40 Nights during Covid helped me a lot. She is still really trying to help through many actions and has made a very interesting work on "what helps through trauma"

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Anne-Lise's avatar

Also, there is a song I sing when I am feeling this is to much "nobody let's go anyone hand". In portuguese it is "ninguém salta a mão de ninguém " ; it had been a meeting song during dictatorship and in an event a few years ago during election time it was presented in a dancing school and spectators started to join the dancers at the end. I listened to it many many times to get strength and It is still powerful in my heart (https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Ixz8Hfw_LH4

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Beth's avatar

This is lovely, thank you.

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Lisa Jensen's avatar

Thank you, Beth, and thank you for restacking!

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Keith Aron's avatar

Thanks for sharing this postcard of your experience yesterday, as well as these snapshots (paintings?) of all you're holding in that big heart of yours. This post, your poem, the prayers you're saying, the conversations you're having, the space you're holding for all of it is, I suspect, more powerful than you can know. I'm feeling alternately stretched and contracted by all that I see and hear each day and weight of the collective energy out there. At times heavy and dense and others sharp as a razor's edge. Poetry and trees and the comfort of others who feel similarly. These are my go-to's to remain afloat.

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Lisa Jensen's avatar

“Alternately stretched and contracted” - me too, friend, me too. Thank you for your kind words! And I’m with you as far as poetry and trees go. Going to step outside right now . . .

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Keith Aron's avatar

...and sometimes poetry ABOUT trees :))

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Lisa Jensen's avatar

The best kind!!!!

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Larry Brickner-Wood's avatar

Thank you Lisa for this wonderful piece of writing, and for your witness and being present. There is an amazing bonding and solidarity that can form when rallying or demonstrating with others, and a sense of doing something together. None of us can be everywhere or do everything, but we can be present as we can, and/or support folks out on the front lines, witness in a variety of other ways, or be the ones that remind our collective to rest, to replensh and to be "sustainable activists." I love the sense of how you all were nurturing and nourishing each other even in the midst of witnessing to end the death and destruction happening in Gaza and elsewhere in Palestine. Thank you my friend.

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