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Candy M's avatar

Hi, Lisa! I have been struggling with how to answer the "how are you?" question from friends, family and colleagues. Lately, I usually just say, "about the same". I actually don't really want people to think I am okay now, but I also don't want to burden people with complaints and lists of symptoms. And for some months now, I feel almost guilty for not getting better - I feel like I am disappointing people over and over. I don't want people to stop asking, but I also feel bad when they do. The newest thing I have noticed is people ending messages to me with things like, "I hope you are all better now!" So it's not really a question, and thus far, I have chosen not to answer it - if I say "Happy Birthday" to someone on FB and they reply in a comment saying "I hope you are all better", it feels self-centered to say, "well, actually, no I am not!". But I immediately feel this combination of guilt and irritation - guilt that I can never say, "yes, I am!" and make them feel happy, but irritation that they are stating it as an assumption. I imagine this is what people with chronic illnesses feel all the time. And I actually don't know what I would suggest to people to do differently -- maybe I should send them your long paragraph and ask them to say that!! Anyway, always enjoy your writing...and I wish you light and hope and self-compassion, wherever you are today!!

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cadis333@aol.com's avatar

Very nicely put! My daughters often text and ask how I’m feeling. Do I give them the list of issues or just say “not too bad today”. Usually pick the latter.

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