How to End an Email
Since launching this newsletter last July, I’ve been lucky enough to swap emails with quite a few of you. I love hearing your stories and am continually blown away by the instant and effortless connection I feel with other long-haulers. One part of this whole emailing thing trips me up every time, though. The ending. How do I end an email to someone living their life on the up and down roller coaster of long Covid?
Remember in ‘normal’ life, when people walked around saying “how are you?” to anyone and everyone, without expecting a real answer? (And it was soooo awkward if someone broke script and replied honestly.) If you never dive into the truth of how a person is doing, then standard email endings work really well. “Best wishes!” “Have a great day!” “TTYL!”
But when you have some idea of the loss, challenge, and complexity in a person’s life, and you know that they are baby stepping their way through something epically difficult, snappy endings feel, well, a little too snappy. Here’s what I actually want to say at the end of an email, brevity be damned:
I hope your symptoms are letting up and that you feel your body healing, and if that’s the case, then yay! If that’s not what’s going on for you today, then hey, you aren’t alone. I see you. I get it. I’m riding the ups and downs, too. I’ve crumpled and bawled on the floor, like, a lot of times, and I’m pretty sure that’s a super normal thing to do in this situation. If you’re having a crumply, bawly, dark tunnel of a moment, I wish you gentleness, self-compassion, and flickers of light. I wish you connection with others who get it (I hope I’m one of those people). I wish you a cozy place to rest and something beautiful to look at or listen to. I wish you light at the end of your tunnel, and I wish you light right here and now.
Incidentally, dear Reader, I wish all of those things for you, too. But I won’t make you read it a second time, so . . .
TTYL,
Lisa
P.S. Corona Cafe has a new logo on its Substack page, designed by the talented and long-hauling Courtney Garvin. Thank you, Courtney!
Hi, Lisa! I have been struggling with how to answer the "how are you?" question from friends, family and colleagues. Lately, I usually just say, "about the same". I actually don't really want people to think I am okay now, but I also don't want to burden people with complaints and lists of symptoms. And for some months now, I feel almost guilty for not getting better - I feel like I am disappointing people over and over. I don't want people to stop asking, but I also feel bad when they do. The newest thing I have noticed is people ending messages to me with things like, "I hope you are all better now!" So it's not really a question, and thus far, I have chosen not to answer it - if I say "Happy Birthday" to someone on FB and they reply in a comment saying "I hope you are all better", it feels self-centered to say, "well, actually, no I am not!". But I immediately feel this combination of guilt and irritation - guilt that I can never say, "yes, I am!" and make them feel happy, but irritation that they are stating it as an assumption. I imagine this is what people with chronic illnesses feel all the time. And I actually don't know what I would suggest to people to do differently -- maybe I should send them your long paragraph and ask them to say that!! Anyway, always enjoy your writing...and I wish you light and hope and self-compassion, wherever you are today!!
Very nicely put! My daughters often text and ask how I’m feeling. Do I give them the list of issues or just say “not too bad today”. Usually pick the latter.