Hi, Lisa! I have been struggling with how to answer the "how are you?" question from friends, family and colleagues. Lately, I usually just say, "about the same". I actually don't really want people to think I am okay now, but I also don't want to burden people with complaints and lists of symptoms. And for some months now, I feel almost guilty for not getting better - I feel like I am disappointing people over and over. I don't want people to stop asking, but I also feel bad when they do. The newest thing I have noticed is people ending messages to me with things like, "I hope you are all better now!" So it's not really a question, and thus far, I have chosen not to answer it - if I say "Happy Birthday" to someone on FB and they reply in a comment saying "I hope you are all better", it feels self-centered to say, "well, actually, no I am not!". But I immediately feel this combination of guilt and irritation - guilt that I can never say, "yes, I am!" and make them feel happy, but irritation that they are stating it as an assumption. I imagine this is what people with chronic illnesses feel all the time. And I actually don't know what I would suggest to people to do differently -- maybe I should send them your long paragraph and ask them to say that!! Anyway, always enjoy your writing...and I wish you light and hope and self-compassion, wherever you are today!!
I struggle with this same issue. I’ve been thinking a lot about the power of my own thoughts within this whole illness journey and, particularly, about the seemingly simple thought “I am sick.” It’s a thought I sometimes get stuck in - stuck in the sense that some version of it gets repeated by my mind, even in moments when it’s not especially helpful or important. I think one reason that happens for me, though, is that I feel so much external pressure to assure people that I’m well or at least on the road to recovery. Half of my wants to make them feel good and give them those assurances that they crave, and half of me wants to dig in my heels and say, “if you really want to show me love, show me that you can handle the fact that I’m still sick - that you can accept me just as I am in this moment.” It’s such a hard tension, and I think we all bump up against it. We want to be real and genuine . . . but prefer not to be “difficult”!
Very nicely put! My daughters often text and ask how I’m feeling. Do I give them the list of issues or just say “not too bad today”. Usually pick the latter.
I often find myself in the same boat. It’s hard to balance the need to be genuine with the desire not to overwhelm people (and the desire to focus on something other than symptoms)!
Hello Lisa I really like the long ending to the mail that you suggest. It’s soothing and connects me with you and other friends of our cafe. I am now fully vaccinated but still up and down - and sorry to say but I struggle to let go of my frustration and anger. So I will ask you all what do you do with your anger and frustration? Lots of love Sofia
Hi, Lisa! I have been struggling with how to answer the "how are you?" question from friends, family and colleagues. Lately, I usually just say, "about the same". I actually don't really want people to think I am okay now, but I also don't want to burden people with complaints and lists of symptoms. And for some months now, I feel almost guilty for not getting better - I feel like I am disappointing people over and over. I don't want people to stop asking, but I also feel bad when they do. The newest thing I have noticed is people ending messages to me with things like, "I hope you are all better now!" So it's not really a question, and thus far, I have chosen not to answer it - if I say "Happy Birthday" to someone on FB and they reply in a comment saying "I hope you are all better", it feels self-centered to say, "well, actually, no I am not!". But I immediately feel this combination of guilt and irritation - guilt that I can never say, "yes, I am!" and make them feel happy, but irritation that they are stating it as an assumption. I imagine this is what people with chronic illnesses feel all the time. And I actually don't know what I would suggest to people to do differently -- maybe I should send them your long paragraph and ask them to say that!! Anyway, always enjoy your writing...and I wish you light and hope and self-compassion, wherever you are today!!
I struggle with this same issue. I’ve been thinking a lot about the power of my own thoughts within this whole illness journey and, particularly, about the seemingly simple thought “I am sick.” It’s a thought I sometimes get stuck in - stuck in the sense that some version of it gets repeated by my mind, even in moments when it’s not especially helpful or important. I think one reason that happens for me, though, is that I feel so much external pressure to assure people that I’m well or at least on the road to recovery. Half of my wants to make them feel good and give them those assurances that they crave, and half of me wants to dig in my heels and say, “if you really want to show me love, show me that you can handle the fact that I’m still sick - that you can accept me just as I am in this moment.” It’s such a hard tension, and I think we all bump up against it. We want to be real and genuine . . . but prefer not to be “difficult”!
Very nicely put! My daughters often text and ask how I’m feeling. Do I give them the list of issues or just say “not too bad today”. Usually pick the latter.
I often find myself in the same boat. It’s hard to balance the need to be genuine with the desire not to overwhelm people (and the desire to focus on something other than symptoms)!
That’s so true about the difficulty in ending an e-mail without sounding trite. I loved your long ending! Hope your day brings you some happiness.
Thank you, Frank! I hope the same for you! 💕
Hello Lisa I really like the long ending to the mail that you suggest. It’s soothing and connects me with you and other friends of our cafe. I am now fully vaccinated but still up and down - and sorry to say but I struggle to let go of my frustration and anger. So I will ask you all what do you do with your anger and frustration? Lots of love Sofia
This is such a great question, Sofia. I’m going to take a little time to think on it and get back to you!