If I had to assign a word to this moment, this day, this past week in my life, it would be abundance. My mom, now fully vaccinated, is visiting from California. Her presence has opened space all around me—space to connect, space to rest, space to simply be. In this moment, I have everything I need and more. I’m lounging on my front porch, enjoying a bowl of roasted veggies and watching three brand new calves explore their brand new world. They are swishing their little tails against the same breeze and nosing at the same grass, but I wonder: do they each experience it in the same way? Apparently not, since two have just flopped down to rest, while the other is wandering farther and farther from the group, testing the limits of her autonomy.
I’ve decided to ditch the “I’m not going to get better “ story. It wasn’t serving me. Who knows what the future holds: I will have good times and not so good; I may not be the same as I was 1 year and a half ago- that was always going to be so- I’m getting older - we all are. However, I’m going to embrace what comes no matter what live my life - somehow.
I love this, Jane. I've also ditched that story. I think I needed to hold space for it for awhile and just feel my way into accepting every possible outcome. Now I find that neither the "I will definitely recover fully" nor the "I will never recover" story serves me as well as stories that focus me on this moment and this step.
This resonated so deeply with me, Lisa. I find myself caught between replaying trauma narratives and trying to see how different my life is now (even from 6 months ago). I trend towards focusing on what’s not going well, so it’s been an on-going exercise in rewiring my brain to find pockets of gratitude. But, it doesn’t take long to realize it’s there. Thank you for this reminder. Sending support, Lauren.
Thank you, Lauren! I'm working on that rewiring, too. It's so easy to replay the trauma/loss/grief loop over and over, but interrupting that loop and deciding that I can feel and allow grief without retelling the story of it over and over in my head is proving really helpful for me. Sending support right back at you, dear!
In February of 2020, dealing with terrible anxiety in the midst of a very stressful, unhealthy work situation, I wrote down on a piece of paper:
“I have everything I need. Something will happen.”
Welp, something sure did happen all right. A global pandemic and a year of disabling illness was not *exactly* what I had in mind..., but I have turned to that piece of paper just about daily for its grounding reminder.
Thank you for your words and your story. It’s always somehow right on time.
Wow, what an unexpected turn of events was hidden in those words! I love that instead of cursing them you turn to them for grounding. Something happened, and you're making the best of it. I hope that some gentler surprises and turns of events are in store for you (and for all of us)! But even now, your words - "I have everything I need" - ring so true for me.
I’ve decided to ditch the “I’m not going to get better “ story. It wasn’t serving me. Who knows what the future holds: I will have good times and not so good; I may not be the same as I was 1 year and a half ago- that was always going to be so- I’m getting older - we all are. However, I’m going to embrace what comes no matter what live my life - somehow.
I love this, Jane. I've also ditched that story. I think I needed to hold space for it for awhile and just feel my way into accepting every possible outcome. Now I find that neither the "I will definitely recover fully" nor the "I will never recover" story serves me as well as stories that focus me on this moment and this step.
This resonated so deeply with me, Lisa. I find myself caught between replaying trauma narratives and trying to see how different my life is now (even from 6 months ago). I trend towards focusing on what’s not going well, so it’s been an on-going exercise in rewiring my brain to find pockets of gratitude. But, it doesn’t take long to realize it’s there. Thank you for this reminder. Sending support, Lauren.
Thank you, Lauren! I'm working on that rewiring, too. It's so easy to replay the trauma/loss/grief loop over and over, but interrupting that loop and deciding that I can feel and allow grief without retelling the story of it over and over in my head is proving really helpful for me. Sending support right back at you, dear!
In February of 2020, dealing with terrible anxiety in the midst of a very stressful, unhealthy work situation, I wrote down on a piece of paper:
“I have everything I need. Something will happen.”
Welp, something sure did happen all right. A global pandemic and a year of disabling illness was not *exactly* what I had in mind..., but I have turned to that piece of paper just about daily for its grounding reminder.
Thank you for your words and your story. It’s always somehow right on time.
Wow, what an unexpected turn of events was hidden in those words! I love that instead of cursing them you turn to them for grounding. Something happened, and you're making the best of it. I hope that some gentler surprises and turns of events are in store for you (and for all of us)! But even now, your words - "I have everything I need" - ring so true for me.