Thank you. This is a great piece. I am most stuck on the need to understand everything. It is hard not knowing what is going on in our bodies. I have let go of many other things in this process but I sure do wish we knew more about the mystery symptoms and why we have them. I love helping my body but there is no manual for this yet, we just have to keep trying things and keep an open mind to possibilities.
I agree, it is so hard! For me personally, I find that there’s an ever-shifting balance to strike between researching and learning and trying to “solve” the mystery, versus giving energy and attention to what already feels healthy and whole in my body and life. Sometimes, I swing too far to one side or the other! My body is great at letting me know when I’m out of balance, though, lol.
"I release the idea that I have to recover fully from this illness before living forward into my life"
I am a new grandmother and as I have considered my life going forward, I am visualizing dancing at my grandchildren's weddings. I do not know if I will even be here, much less able to dance, but it is what I am dreaming about today given my current disabled state.
The frustration is never ending, but I am willing to think beyond what is reality right now and dream about being fully restored. Even as I struggle to get out of bed.
At some points in my journey, I have needed to be radically present - here and now, nowhere else. At other points, like you, I need to dream. I need to imagine myself running and climbing. I can still feel those movements and that energy tucked deep in my body, waiting to re-emerge. Maybe you can feel some pretty groovy dance moves tucked inside you? For now, I find that closing my eyes and imagining the motions of running down a trail of climbing up a cliff brings me very real happiness. I think I’ll do those things again some day, but just as importantly, I’m so grateful to have done them and to know the pleasure of movement. I hope you’ll be dancing long before your grandkids’ weddings, Jenny, but we are all here for you either way.
Hi Lisa I love your piece and the imagery of the shells and the sea. I would like to add one more ‘release’ to your list which resonated with me.
‘ I release the need to grieve for the loss of what I could do, what I could eat, what I could do for my kids and my community, how I could travel to Italy to see my family (last time of saw my family was 27/12/2019), before the illness struck.’
I want to live in the present and put my losses on hold.
I am sure we are all trying to find a new way to grieve a ‘grieving on the go’ process.
I often read your pieces and all our comments and find comfort in our friendship and commonality in our journey together. Have a good week end Lisa and all my new friends. Sofia xxx
Thank you for sharing this, Sofia! It’s hard to be separated from family during such a challenging and life-altering time. I just finally got to see my mom for the first time since November 2019 . . . I hope your time to be with family comes soon. And I understand the need to allow your grief to soften! My need to grieve the losses of this illness feels softer than it did a few months ago. I don’t know yet if it will come and go in waves, or if it will just fade completely. But it feels good to let some of that heaviness go and find pleasure and joy and growth in the present moment.
On a rare, really good day, I can run slowly for 30-60 seconds. Yesterday, I “ran” a little on the beach, with the wind blowing me from behind, doing 90% of the work for me. Those few seconds of wind-assisted running were as magical and joyful as any of the long trail runs I ever took in the woods. There’s a sense in which we have less now, but we also know so much more clearly the value of what we do have! I hope you’ll be with your kids, running in a forest soon . . . But in the meantime, I’m glad you’re still relishing their laughter and those mini jogs in your living room. Your kids are lucky to have you as a model of grace and resilience (even though I’m sure you’re a human like all the rest of us). Sending you so much love, Rosita!
I've been so angry lately because my little brother recently got Covid, and through chatting with him I've realized that the protocol is so different now than what first wavers had. If I was sick now instead of then I would be hospitalized with my severe symptoms instead of being judged by my age and sent home without even being tested. I just want to let go of it, and I have access to a beach so I will try this out :) Your posts are always so timely. My brother is ok btw, just mild symptoms so far but too early to tell if he will be a long hauler
I've had those same thoughts and feelings, Courtney! I'm glad that your brother's symptoms are mild so far and hope they clear quickly, but it's hard to see the contrast between how patients are treated now and how many of us were treated at the start of the pandemic. I stopped going to doctors altogether around this time last year because I had so many frustrating experiences. I finally went to someone new this past week, and it was so strange not to have to try to convince him that my symptoms are real . . . strange in a good way, but it makes me realize I've been carrying a chip on my shoulder for a long time, expecting either disbelief or minimizing from others. It feels good to start the process of letting this go.
Hi all, just wondering, has anyone had any success with drugs such as Ivermectin or Fluvoxamine or? A lot on the internet about these drugs working but my doctor says they don't and has nothing else offer. Going on 8 months and I am not improving which is really frustrating as you would think by now there would be some solutions.
Are you in the Body Politic Covid-19 support group? It’s a great place for getting more info on people’s experiences with ivermectin and other treatments. I haven’t tried ivermectin yet myself, but from the reading I’m doing in the support group, I’d say results are pretty mixed - some very positive, some mildly helpful, and some that are pretty neutral (plus a few people who have side effects or other issues and go back off again). It’s one of the treatments I’m considering, too.
Thank you. This is a great piece. I am most stuck on the need to understand everything. It is hard not knowing what is going on in our bodies. I have let go of many other things in this process but I sure do wish we knew more about the mystery symptoms and why we have them. I love helping my body but there is no manual for this yet, we just have to keep trying things and keep an open mind to possibilities.
I agree, it is so hard! For me personally, I find that there’s an ever-shifting balance to strike between researching and learning and trying to “solve” the mystery, versus giving energy and attention to what already feels healthy and whole in my body and life. Sometimes, I swing too far to one side or the other! My body is great at letting me know when I’m out of balance, though, lol.
Thanks, this was timely...
Thank you, Jenny! I’m so glad!
This was the line that choked me up...
"I release the idea that I have to recover fully from this illness before living forward into my life"
I am a new grandmother and as I have considered my life going forward, I am visualizing dancing at my grandchildren's weddings. I do not know if I will even be here, much less able to dance, but it is what I am dreaming about today given my current disabled state.
The frustration is never ending, but I am willing to think beyond what is reality right now and dream about being fully restored. Even as I struggle to get out of bed.
At some points in my journey, I have needed to be radically present - here and now, nowhere else. At other points, like you, I need to dream. I need to imagine myself running and climbing. I can still feel those movements and that energy tucked deep in my body, waiting to re-emerge. Maybe you can feel some pretty groovy dance moves tucked inside you? For now, I find that closing my eyes and imagining the motions of running down a trail of climbing up a cliff brings me very real happiness. I think I’ll do those things again some day, but just as importantly, I’m so grateful to have done them and to know the pleasure of movement. I hope you’ll be dancing long before your grandkids’ weddings, Jenny, but we are all here for you either way.
Hi Lisa I love your piece and the imagery of the shells and the sea. I would like to add one more ‘release’ to your list which resonated with me.
‘ I release the need to grieve for the loss of what I could do, what I could eat, what I could do for my kids and my community, how I could travel to Italy to see my family (last time of saw my family was 27/12/2019), before the illness struck.’
I want to live in the present and put my losses on hold.
I am sure we are all trying to find a new way to grieve a ‘grieving on the go’ process.
I often read your pieces and all our comments and find comfort in our friendship and commonality in our journey together. Have a good week end Lisa and all my new friends. Sofia xxx
Thank you for sharing this, Sofia! It’s hard to be separated from family during such a challenging and life-altering time. I just finally got to see my mom for the first time since November 2019 . . . I hope your time to be with family comes soon. And I understand the need to allow your grief to soften! My need to grieve the losses of this illness feels softer than it did a few months ago. I don’t know yet if it will come and go in waves, or if it will just fade completely. But it feels good to let some of that heaviness go and find pleasure and joy and growth in the present moment.
I feel you dear... It took me long time to recover and good sex/orgasms help to reboot the immune system, chicken broth and a lot of sun light!!
Well, I just downloaded my first ever dating app, so maybe that will help! 🤣
I asked a friend/good lover... exchange of hormones helps. I hope you are taking good vitamins. Laughter really helped a lot, have you tried?
Luckily, I never have a shortage of laughter!
This is so beautiful, I am trying to grapple with all of things right now too. Thank you, you write so beautifully and express the experience so well.
Thank you, Annabelle!
Sometimes i Wonder how much grief and being afraid and Who knows and uncertainty
A person can handle.
It is a good and encouraging thought to live now and not wait... For good or better days.
I long to run.
In The forest.
With The sun on my face.
Among flowers and trees.
Have my kids with me.
Hearing them laugh.
But than i think i CAN run 3 steps in my livingroom today.
I CAN call my kids and say good things to them maybye hear them laugh.
And I Have faith that God Will help me handle it all.That is my hope....
Thank you for sharing anesty and thank you all for understanding what can not be understood.
For making me feel not so alone on this Journey.
On a rare, really good day, I can run slowly for 30-60 seconds. Yesterday, I “ran” a little on the beach, with the wind blowing me from behind, doing 90% of the work for me. Those few seconds of wind-assisted running were as magical and joyful as any of the long trail runs I ever took in the woods. There’s a sense in which we have less now, but we also know so much more clearly the value of what we do have! I hope you’ll be with your kids, running in a forest soon . . . But in the meantime, I’m glad you’re still relishing their laughter and those mini jogs in your living room. Your kids are lucky to have you as a model of grace and resilience (even though I’m sure you’re a human like all the rest of us). Sending you so much love, Rosita!
Hi
I've been so angry lately because my little brother recently got Covid, and through chatting with him I've realized that the protocol is so different now than what first wavers had. If I was sick now instead of then I would be hospitalized with my severe symptoms instead of being judged by my age and sent home without even being tested. I just want to let go of it, and I have access to a beach so I will try this out :) Your posts are always so timely. My brother is ok btw, just mild symptoms so far but too early to tell if he will be a long hauler
I've had those same thoughts and feelings, Courtney! I'm glad that your brother's symptoms are mild so far and hope they clear quickly, but it's hard to see the contrast between how patients are treated now and how many of us were treated at the start of the pandemic. I stopped going to doctors altogether around this time last year because I had so many frustrating experiences. I finally went to someone new this past week, and it was so strange not to have to try to convince him that my symptoms are real . . . strange in a good way, but it makes me realize I've been carrying a chip on my shoulder for a long time, expecting either disbelief or minimizing from others. It feels good to start the process of letting this go.
Hi all, just wondering, has anyone had any success with drugs such as Ivermectin or Fluvoxamine or? A lot on the internet about these drugs working but my doctor says they don't and has nothing else offer. Going on 8 months and I am not improving which is really frustrating as you would think by now there would be some solutions.
God Bless,
Paul Kaprelian
Are you in the Body Politic Covid-19 support group? It’s a great place for getting more info on people’s experiences with ivermectin and other treatments. I haven’t tried ivermectin yet myself, but from the reading I’m doing in the support group, I’d say results are pretty mixed - some very positive, some mildly helpful, and some that are pretty neutral (plus a few people who have side effects or other issues and go back off again). It’s one of the treatments I’m considering, too.